Food Qualms

Pears - Shit, it is annoying how they get mushy so fast.  Pears wait for no man.

Oatmeal - I love it, but I wish it wouldn't boil over in the microwave.  This is oatmeals only major design flaw from my perspective.  If anyone can give me an inventive solution for preventing the boiling over of oatmeal, I will give him or her many hugs and kisses.

This is going to be a really self-indulgent post..

... you've been warned.

I've been working out and eating really healthy ever since I got back to Texas.  I had gained a little weight while living with Ian, not a ton, but since I moved back to Texas like one and a half months ago, I have officially lost an inch off of my waist!  (An inch and a half when I measure in the morning)  And THIS folks, is my "situation":

I also lost an inch off of my butt/hips, but I don't actually think it looks any smaller, instead it just looks rounder. :P  Whatever, I'm not complaining.  I know it's really strong and that makes me feel good.

For diet, I mostly focused on eating lots and lots of vegetables and getting enough fiber, and controlling my portion sizes.  It is a constant challenge to try and eat exactly enough.  You have to be conscious of how your body feels and how much you're putting into your mouth.  I think most people are bad at this.  I think most people are bad at conscious consuming in other areas as well, but that is for a different post.  

I actually ate more carbs over the last month or two than I would normally, because I was running.  If you don't refuel your glycogen stores after you run, then your run the next day will SUCK.  You can't run very fast or for as long, and it's also not enjoyable.  I have experienced this phenomenon first hand.  I also ate less meat and drank less than when I was with Ian.  Alcohol is a huge calorie budget sinkhole.  Most of all though, I'm trying to eat a more "plant-based diet".

And for working out, I've picked up running, which I used to hate, but for some reason I now enjoy. (?)  I REALLY love running.  I think I probably look ridiculous towards the end, running around with a HUGE smile on my face, even though I look totally beat.  But I'm just so happy!  It feels so good, like all my blood has turned to wine. :D  I cover about 3ish miles every other day but that number is increasing all the time.  I am getting stronger.  I know this because I write what I do down every day in a running log.  It is unfathomable to me when I realize I can run for longer than I previously could, or that the things I used to think were so difficult, have now gotten so much easier with practice.  There's this quote by Mister Rogers about him being disciplined in his swimming.  He says,
"I like to swim, but there are some days I just don't feel much like doing it - but I do it anyway!  I know it's good for me and I promised myself I'd do it everyday, and I like to keep my promises.  That's one of my disciplines.  And it's a good feeling after you've tried and done something well.  Inside you think, 'I've kept at this and I've really learned it - not by magic, but by my own work."
I love that quote!  And that's how I feel about my running, I am getting better at it, not by magic, but by my own work.  :D

On my non-running days, I like to do these workouts from www.bodyrock.tv  This girl Zuzana is incredible.  She is such an inspiration to me, and her workouts will make you cry!  :D  She's so passionate about what she does.  I love her because in her workout videos, you can see she is really PUSHING herself.  I hate watching exercise videos where the trainer acts like everything you're doing is so easy.  If working out and losing weight were that easy, everyone would be thin.  It makes me feel good watching Zuzana sweat because it feels like we're in it together!  And plus, watching her challenge herself and push her body, you realize, "That's how she created the body that she has!  She pushed herself, and that is what I must do."  Here's her workout from today to give you an example:  

The whole workout is explained on her site if you're interested.

"maiden's banter and smiles and deceits and sweet delight and lovemaking and gentleness." -Hesiod

Sometimes when I'm feeling lazy, yet sensual, I think about trading in my usual shower for a tongue bath.  It works for cats.  They're usually pretty clean.  They smell a little, but I think it's because they're carnivores.

I think it's possible that all of these minor distinctions between polyamory, bigamy, fuck-buddies,  open relationships, polyfidelity, romantic friendships, etc. are just navel gazing jibber-jabber.  It seems like every major relationship I've had has spent a fair amount of time meandering around in this nonspecific grey area of relationship ambiguity, and I don't think it makes a difference what you call it.

"Can I see your weiner on webcam?"
"ehhh, maybe later."
" :( "
....
"what's it doing right now?"
"it's in my pants."
"that's cool ... ..."

first dates.  Sometimes I think I would be better served entertainment-wise if I was staring at my vagina with a handheld mirror.  If you have a small furry animal and offer to bring it on the date with us, I am approximately 639% more likely to go on a date with you even if I don't like you, and that is god's honest truth.

I love birding!  How come I never realized what a great hobby this was when I took biology?  I love watching them fly and seeing them hop around.  That's one thing that bothers me about public schools today, you spend all this time learning facts you don't find interesting and filling out worksheets, but inspiring lifelong passions in students about any of the subjects that are taught is not emphasized.
I was reading this fascinating book in Half-Price Books the other day called Why Don't Students Like School.  It is a puzzling question to me because not only does figuring something out stimulate your brain in a way that feels good, I also know many people (and this is true of myself as well) who love clicking from one Wikipedia article to the next and filling their brains with information, but found school boring and irrelevant.  So this was a cognitive scientist's perspective on that question.  This guy had some seriously good, practical, evidence-based, advice for teachers that I found worthwhile.  Plus it seemed really non-fadish and like he wasn't pushing an agenda.  Some of these education books it's like "Geeze! Shut up about discovery learning already!"

 Alright so I finally made good on my intentions and made a tumblr with delicious outdoorsy rugged men in it:
http://ruggedgrizzlies.tumblr.com/ and here is the one showing off my cooking skillz. http://dinnersihavemade.tumblr.com/

The other day I helped my mom clean out the garage, and we found a tin of my Granny King's hair.  She used to have long auburn hair that went all the way to the floor that she used to wear up in a bun all the time (Except when she'd put her hair over mine to see what I'd look like with auburn hair ::P).  When she went into a nursing home they cut it off.  Even though it's weird, I still think it's neat to have it.

Not having a job and not being in school provides me with ample time to think about my "problems" and to become simultaneously depressed AND self-absorbed.  I feel bad for everyone who has to be around me.

Come on bartender, be a little more tender. I ate all your peanuts, return me to sender.

Tomorrow Ian's going out on his second date with some new girl off OkCupid.

We've been broken up for 10 days.

I could have dates too by now!  I could be on a date tonight if I felt like it!  I get like 20 messages a day (well, if it's going well) on OkCupid.  In fact, now, I feel compelled to go on a date.
I don't want to though.  Ugghhhh I just dooooooonnnnnn't feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like it.  How can I go out on dates when I feel so depressed and messed up inside?  How does HE do it?  :'-(
Second date, that's like the first kiss date ...  Ugh!  The thought of that makes me want to barf.  Some other girl gets to kiss him when I don't get to.  It tears me up inside.  Ian says stupid things like, "You're making a bigger deal out of this than it is."  It is a big deal to meeeee!

Oh well, he groped my breasts like a 14 year old anyway.

DIY Shelter

Have you ever read (not really reading so much as looking at pictures) the book Handmade Houses?  It is inspirational!  Makes me want to move out to the Pacific Northwest and live in a log cabin reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllll bad.

This article made me remember the book:

Carbuncles

I'm going to start a club, and you can join it if you want.  It's going to be called "The Pet Petting Club".  Basically, you just bring your pet to the meetings, and the members ... pet it.

Alright, so here's my other club idea: I can't decide on the name, I'm thinking something like "Daft Craft" or "Creative Daze" or "Smoke Trees with Crafties" and it basically involves me and my friends herbally enhancing our moods, and then gluing felt, glitter, and googly eyes onto pinecones and rocks.

I was thinking about this the other day, why aren't there any oriental rugs with fractal patterns?  Does that exist, because it should.

Life IS suffering.  I used to think that concept was ridiculous.  I used to think life was full of blessings, and full of exuberance and joy.  Maybe that is still the case.  Lately though, I always seem to be in the midst of loss, and when I'm not grieving over some loss of something that was important to me, I'm fearful of what a potential loss would feel like.  I think it has to do with forming deep attachments to people and places.  Like the last couple days I was in New Jersey and I knew I would be leaving Ian soon, even when I wasn't at that moment leaving him, I was anticipating the loss of him, and it hurt just as much.  And I'm always attached to something, many things at the same time!  And so life is always endless, awful, discouraging suffering.  I'm always in the midst of loss or fearful of loss and how terrible the devastation can be.

Sometimes if you are REALLY REALLY sad, it hurts physically too.  Like you have the flu or something.  I did not learn this until recently.

.... This blows.