Showing posts with label poop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poop. Show all posts

Saturday, October 24, 2009

The First Of Several - Biographical Sketches Of My Friends

"I'd eat the corn outta her shit."
- Dorian, one of my favorite people.

Completely inappropriate at times, and yet still a total ladies man.


"Dude, quit the facade, we all know you're only into the poop for the corn. They sell it on the cob, too, you know. I had to learn that the hard way..."
- Claire, another favorite person



Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Come Hell or High Water

Things Lauren Loves:
1) Hanging peach rings off her erect nipples
2) Taking giant shits

.... that's all I really know to list right now.

If I was a barbie with a pull string that made me say things, I think one of my phrases would be, "Let's decorate!" Imagine it.

Food Queries:
1) Are Klondike Bars just like York Peppermint Patties but freezing cold?
2) Why don't they make pear sauce? Like apple sauce but with pears?

Other Questions:
1) How come only cats and grandpas have whiskers?
2) Is the founder of Jack in the Box just really ugly? Why does he have to wear that giant balloon all the time?
3) Will you buy me a Webkins for my birthday?
4) What about occidental rugs? Like rugs from the Americas.

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to eat a human corpse in the US, which I find disappointing. I really want to eat my future mate's body when he dies, or have him eat my body when I die. Since I don't believe in heaven or an afterworld where we can meet up again, this would be like my alternative consolation prize. Even though he had died, he would still be alive as part of me.
I don't see what's so revolting about it. Christians claim to eat Jesus's corpse every Sunday, and he's been dead for like 2,000 years!

Cops need to fucking step off my tits. I've gotten three tickets in the past month. I had never received any before that.

Age is relative, but in another way, it's absolute.

All of civilization is a giant fiber optic cable. We're all single fibers, together millions of billions of fibers, all pointing towards universal truth. My fiber is slightly purple.

Man sometimes I REALLY want to roll in grass and play in the dirt. Dogs have it so good. If I was a dog, I'd dig holes all the time.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Resolution to the Poop Volume Question

So I thought about it and also talked to Daniel who pretty much knows everything that’s important to know, about the whole ‘Where does my food go exactly’ question I asked in my last post.   Independently I had decided that mass to energy conversions don’t happen in your body, and that’s not why the volume of food-stuff decreases as it moves through you, but that food mass, like glucose or other sugars, is converted into other substances that you release, via cellular respiration, without you really realizing that you’re releasing them.  Look at this equation:

 

We take in sugar and oxygen and produce water and carbon dioxide.  Carbon dioxide we breathe out and water we can sweat or pee or also breathe out.  So la-tee-da, there you have it.  Obviously this doesn't give the whole story, because we don't just eat glucose, we eat complex carbs and protein and fat, but I think it's the same sort of idea.  Except when you burn proteins and fats you produce some other metabolites like urea and ketones.  However just to be sure, I asked Daniel if mass to energy conversions do actually happen in your body and he said “YES!”  Apparently whenever you’re breaking down something chemically and releasing energy, the sum of the masses of the broken down parts will be less than the mass of the whole of the thing you started with.  I’m pretty sure I learned that in some class at some point but in application, I guess it didn’t stick.

 

By the way, it seems like biology teachers, or at least all the ones that I know about, introduce the whole cellular respiration thing as, “this is how your body gets energy!”   I think it’s a lot more interesting to introduce it this way, e.g. “Have ya’ll ever noticed that the volume of stuff that you eat is much larger than the volume of stuff you poop out?  Why is that?”  That seems like a much more likely thing to wonder about than, where your body’s energy comes from. 

Science is the best tool I know of for making sense of things, especially biology since that’s what most of my questions are related to, and I think it’s important to convey that idea to students – that you can get a lot of your questions ANSWERED!!! if you just learn a little science! 

 

Sunday, April 19, 2009

So far 25% of my posts have involved poop in some way.

I don’t understand what this product is for:

I don’t know what body hair you can bleach and it will fix the issue.
Just because it’s blonde doesn’t mean it’s invisible!  

Exhibit A: Hulk Hogan’s ‘stache;  


Exhibit B: my legs after not shaving for…  I don’t know … at least a week.   The hair looks kindof like this girl's, all shiny in the sun.

Apparently most women use cream bleach to bleach their mustaches.  I actually kindof wish I could grow one, but not a measely dirt smudge, I'd want a substantial nose neighbor.  How cool would that be?  :D  If I had a mustache, I would want to find other people with mustaches, so we could rub our mustaches together.  



When I poop, am I pooping the same volume of stuff that I put into my mouth?  It sure doesn’t seem like it.  I feel like I eat A LOT!  But then every morning after the bunghole train has left the station, I examine my handiwork and I’m just not convinced!  I mean, I know we break down food for energy, but what does that really even mean?  (I realize I’m about to have a biology degree in a year, and I should be the one answering this question, but I’m confused) Is there really a conversion of mass to energy in my body???  I don’t think that’s what happens – I think the chemical bonds in your food are broken and that’s what gives energy, but the mass should still be there!  Right?

 

I think many people get married to escape loneliness and maybe people truly feel like they’ve escaped it when they first get married, so they think they’ve succeeded.  But really, it’s always going to be you inside your own head, with no one ever understanding exactly what you’re experiencing or thinking.   


My hair smells like illicit substances from Marley Fest...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This blog is really going downhill fast...

I don’t know if I’ve ever written about this before, but when I was really little I used to think that butts were where poop was stored, and really big butts just hold WAY more poop than most people’s butts.  And in this context, I wondered why people thought butts were attractive.


I’m not a cannibal, but I’ve certainly considered it.  Is it possible to make human caviar?

I am so sick of big dog snobbery.  Little dogs get so much crap for being little, and many times they can be more pleasant than big dogs.  Have you ever met a Havanese?  Those dogs are the friendliest, best behaved little dogs, and they hardly ever bark.  I agree that greasy little terriers and ratty little poodles can be intolerable little shitbricks, but big dogs can be pretty obnoxious also.  Some chows and labs bark constantly, and pit bulls maul children for crying out loud!  Anyway, both big dogs and little dogs can be menaces so why the prejudices?

NOTE: The artwork in this post is original BTW.