I am changing on the inside very fast and very frequently in the last few years and lately, and I document what I think a lot. Then later when I read things I've written I find it so childish immature and embarrassing. Especially when it's on the internet.
Sometimes I am not convinced my life is relevant. Actually, make that most of the time. Relevant, like, to the forward motion of the universe. Like if I were to die, (I am not suicidal BTW just musing) it wouldn't really matter. My parents, my sister, and Ian would cry, but it wouldn't MATTER because my existence has basically no consequence on this earth. I like living of course, having no particularly appealing alternative, but my life does not feel necessary in the grand scheme of things. I guess I should start drowning these thoughts by having babies or helping people aggressively ... Can I ever make my life relevant?
I am scratching my butt, as you read this. :D
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