Once upon a time there was a girl who ate way way too much oatmeal. (It wasn’t real oatmeal but a gluten-free version of oatmeal made from buckwheat which tastes pretty much the same.) She put strawberry jelly in it and made swirls with her spoon like how she does when she goes to Cracker Barrel. And even though it made her tummy very very full to eat that much oatmeal, she didn’t regret eating it because oatmeal is oh so very delicious!
I used to want to write stories that didn’t have any real plot or conflict. The story would basically be a description of this impossibly happy situation that someone was in. I think people would go for that. I’d be inventing my own genre because my stories wouldn’t really be funny or dramatic, they’d just be pleasant.
I also want to make my own super super positive tv show, it would be like Mr. Rogers' Neighboorhood, but for adults. There would be a segment with puppets, and a segment where a professional hoola hooper would teach a Mr. Rogers lookalike to hoola hoop, and then we'd watch the Mr. Rogers impersonator feed his fish and listen to him sing songs about how we're special and no one can do a better job of being us than us.
I think I’m going to start up my own consulting business as a phrenologist. I could determine people’s aptitudes for different things, and I want to testify in court and give my analysis of whether the defendant is guilty or not based on their inherent tendency to murder (which I would decipher from the size and placement of the bumps and depressions in their skull).
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